Chapter 17. How to find time for the family

Dr. Yeshwanth K. Amdekar, DCH, MD (Pediatrics), FIAP

Time is free but it’s priceless, you can’t own it but can use it, you can’t keep it but can spend it, once you lose it, you can’t get it back

                                                                                                Harvey Mackay

If you are too busy to enjoy time with your family then you

need to evaluate your priorities

                                                                                                Dave Willis

Family – our first responsibility

As a doctor, we owe a lot to our family. To begin with, we got higher education thanks to our parents who often struggled to make it happen for us. Besides education, we learnt culture in the family, value of sharing and “give and take”, only because parents and extended family were available for guidance, support and encouragement. They were there in situations of despair and difficulties. Such a background stood good during subsequent life. After marriage, it was our spouses who made us comfortable and looked after our children even in our absence. Role and contribution of each doctor as parent is paramount for ideal growth and development of children, more so in nuclear families. It is our responsibility and it is our family’s privilege. Hence there is a need to find time for the family in spite of busy practice.

Concept of time management

Time management is the key to efficient working. It is ability to use time more productively, more output in lesser time. It is the process of organizing and planning how to divide your time between specific activities, ensuring right time for right activities. It helps fulfill all responsibilities. One can achieve a lot, if time is managed well which in turn reduces stress and enhances our achievement. Everyone has 24 hours available each day but some can function effectively only because they manage time. Key is not spending time but investing time.

Work–family balance beyond bank balance

Surely bank balance provides financial security but it does not translate into personal and family health and happiness. Both are equally important and so we must strike a balance. In initial days of medical practice, doctor has enough time as practice takes time to build and, in this phase, there is enough time to spend with family. It brings in happiness forgetting stress of waiting for patients. Problem surfaces when practice builds and with increasing work load, family is ignored. Not only family is ignored but personal health is also at risk because of burnout. This is also the time when children are in formative stage of development and they need proper grooming. We must decide how to strike a balance at this stage and it is possible. Once you miss this phase, habits die hard and as one gets senior, you are likely to continue the same way. However, it is never too late.

How to find time for the family?

Every one including all professionals work as per “office time” with weekly holidays. But doctors work all the time that is most convenient to patients which happen to be most inconvenient time for their personal life. Besides they are available at any odd hours. If banks and post-offices work at the same time that students are in school and parents at their work, still people manage their banking or other needs and find time for the same. Well today in digital revolution, you can do banking from home but it was not so all these decades. If someone is not well, obviously he or she is likely to be at home and so can visit a doctor during “office time”.

In all western countries, doctors work at their own schedules and it is possible because they have developed “group practice”. I feel it is the best way to practice that offers ideal work-family balance. I say this with confidence because I started group practice within first few years of solo practice. Today we are four pediatricians working together with ease and comfort of working without stress and time to look after our personal and family life. This is the best solution. What you lose by way of less income, you gain by far more happiness and sound health. Other solution is to restrict your work and direct it to your juniors so that juniors are happy and you are also happy. Many times, I hear that doctor feelshis patients can’t do without him but what is true is patients need to get better irrespective of who makes them better. Those patients who have faith in your competence will also find the same or even better with other doctors. You can recommend right doctor for them and patients will be grateful to you and so you will be happy with your family.

How to spend time with family?

Spending time with the family should be investing in time for creative activities rather than only worldly pleasures. Doctor can make himself available at the time of dinner where all family members dine together. This is the time when everyone speaks about how the day went. Children can narrate what funny thing happened in school and you can tell them a story related to how patient behaved. It becomes interesting and children learn to think and speak. Most important, everyone looks forward to this event and time is not wasted to discuss how children misbehaved. This is an enjoyable time spent most effectively. Age-appropriate discussion during such time makes it more interesting and time well invested. If such a thing is not possible every day, at least try to make it few days a week, surely on holidays. Of course, there would be other pleasures offered to children and family such as dining out or going for a movie but only selectively. In fact, I know few doctors who take off on one mid-week evenings in addition to weekends.

Hazards of not spending time with family

In today’s fast and wicked world, it may spell a disaster. Lack of communication leads to poor bonding. Children are left to themselves and remain unmonitored. You are most likely to offer them worldly pleasures that they would ever long for more and more. You do it as a guilt feeling of having not spent time with them. This sets them on a wrong path. They are likely to suffer because of such upbringing and it could be irreversible. I see increasing prevalence in psychological problems and obesity in children. Junk food, lack of physical exercise, addiction to electronic gadgets, sleep deprivation and often loneliness at home are spoiling children.

Personal notes

During my earlier years of practice, I had to spend entire day out of home as I spent 4-5 hours a day at J.J. Hospital as an Honorary Professor and equal time for private practice. But once I settled in practice, I started a joint practice with one of my ex-students and every 8-10 years, one more Pediatrician joined our group. Over last 10 years, we four practice together as one unit and it gives all of us time for our family and to pursue other hobbies. In spite of the initial struggle that kept me busy, I have been lucky not to miss a single occasion when my presence in the family was necessary. Every ten years, I started reducing my clinic hours to find more time with the family it was possible only because of group practice. In fact, during formative years of our children, we need to spend time for them. It helps bonding that lasts forever.

Take home message

Don’t give an excuse that you have no time because you can always find time only if you understand dangers of not doing so. Money can’t buy health and happiness. While money and professional satisfaction are important, far more vital is personal and family’s health and happiness. You did well because your parents spent time at home and at the same time, made available whatever was needed. Remember worldly pleasures can’t replace time spent with the family.

 

 

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